Something’s Always Wrong

“Another game of putting things aside
If if we’ll come back to them sometime
A brace of hope, a pride of innocence
And you would say something has gone wrong…”
-Toad the Wet Sprocket

I have listened to this song four times already this morning. It’s an older song, I know that – but I was a huge Toad the Wet Sprocket fan back in high school and the early years of college. This song is one of my favorites though.

She Don’t Know Me

“She don’t know me, she don’t know
She don’t see me, she don’t care…”
-Bon Jovi

Valentines Day is just weeks away and I’m not a happy camper. Do you remember last year, the dread I felt leading up to the stupid Hallmark holiday, just knowing that it wouldn’t be acknowledged? Remember me posting later Valentines night, sitting at home by myself because my husband went back to work after not acknowledging the day? It’s funny, on one hand, I mock the stupid day – because it IS a Hallmark holiday – but it’s still the whole principle – wanting to hear how much I’m loved, wanting it to be something special.

Ah, whatever.

So, a few weeks ago, I was flipping through Real Simple Magazine and they had a quiz for “How Well Do You Know Your Valentine?” There were eight questions – you had to answer for yourself and for your significant other to see how well they knew you.

FAIL.

He got two right (and one was “What was your high school mascot?” which he’d have gotten wrong had we not gone to the same high school). I got three right.

It was kind of sad, actually. We both had to laugh a bit about how freakin’ hard that quiz was. BUT, now I’m curious if other people know me better than he does! So, I’m quizzing y’all with 7 of the 8 questions (except the one about the H.S. mascot because really, you don’t need to know it!). Give it a whirl:

1. What reality show would I consider auditioning for?
2. What website do I spend the most time on?
3. What’s the most embarassing song on my iPod?
4. On a limitless menu, what would I order?
5. What was the last book I read? (Yeah, I have no idea how you would know this)
6. Which way do I hang the toilet paper, over or under?
7. What is the one place on the planet I’m dying to visit?

Answers on Sunday…

* Disclaimer: I have never heard this song before. Was lookin’ for a song about not knowing someone and I’ve already used “If You Don’t Know Me By Now”. At least, I think I have. I’m too lazy to check. Whatever. Move on.

California Dreamin’

“I’d be safe and warm if I was in LA
California dreamin’ on such a winter’s day…”
-The Mamas & The Papas

Winter can bite my ass. I hate it. I hate it. Did you hear me? I hate it.

It makes me cold, moody and so tired because right now I’m kind of shouldering the load for life at La Casa de Lyrical. I look out the window and there’s just an endless field of white snow in every direction. Our gas bill is astronomical because it’s cold and I can’t function if my husband turns that thermostat any lower (and no, I’m not lounging around in shorts and tank tops with the heat jacked up — I’m all bundled up but I can’t handle the temps any lower).

In the winter months, I would love to be ANYWHERE but in the midwest. It’s kind of lame this year to wish myself away – I mean, they got snow in freakin’ Vegas and friends in Texas tell me they have ice this morning (WTF Texas?!). Right now, I would pretty much give most anything to be on a beach surrounded by warm sand, reading a good book and sipping a drink with too much booze and a little bitty umbrella in it.

What about you? Anywhere else you’d rather be right now?

Just Like Heaven

“Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow…”
-The Cure

Robert Smith kinda looks a little bit like he’s been dead for two weeks in this video but I love this song. I’ve never been one of the hardcore fans of The Cure, but they have certain songs that I’ve always loved and this is one for the lyrics as much as anything else.

I know I’ve been bad about blogging lately. I kind of have been feeling like I have too much to do with not enough time – or maybe I have plenty of time and I’ve just been half-assing my way through things. I’m not sure. Either option sounds entirely plausible in its own way. It’s been hard. I hate this time of year and it always seeps through somehow.

I’m So Excited

“I’m so excited
And I just can’t hide it
I’m about to lose control and I think I like it…”
-The Pointer Sisters

Yesterday. Was. Amazing.

I don’t remember where I was when Bush was sworn in for the first time – odds are, I was at work not really giving a shit because I didn’t vote for Bush and by the time that whole recall thing was said and done, I was more than a little underwhelmed with the process – and certainly not “whelmed” enough to take the day off work to watch the event at home. That is not to say I was a Bush-hater right out of the gates. Sure, my vote went elsewhere but it wasn’t until time went by and things started turning to crap that I really got a negative feeling about the man.

Yesterday, I was at home watching on television while Barack Obama was sworn in as the new Pres of our country, and I cried no fewer than four times, and I laughed at the absurdity of the stupid bow on Aretha Franklin’s hat, and I laughed at the guy giving the benediction and the whole mellow/yellow color rhyming thing he had going on. And then I stared at the crowds in awe of their joy and excitement. Stared at the flags waving, and how you know it had to be so damn cold out there – yet they were out there for hours to witness this huge moment in history.

I was in a chat with some of my team mates from a project during the inauguration – the previously discussed conservative crowd. I realize that as a liberal, I stick out like a sore thumb in this group. I honestly thought that it would bother me more than it really does – but frankly, I’m content with my beliefs – I am secure in what I believe and why – and I’m getting less wary about expressing my thought (which is why I spent a good twenty minutes the other night describing just WHY I feel that it’s a WOMAN’S RIGHT TO CHOOSE and that the government should stay the hell out of the uterus). One woman (who is not an Obama fan, to put it mildly) tried to say that she didn’t even look at the color of his skin – that that was not a factor in her vote.

Well, it wasn’t a factor in mine either. Even so, you have to feel pretty damn good that kids can grow up seeing that it doesn’t matter what color your skin is – that doesn’t mean you can’t be president. And maybe it’s a bit Pollyanna-ish of me (funny, because I’m cynically bitchy about most everything else) – but I think that’s pretty amazing. Maybe now, kids who thought that it wasn’t something they could do can now see that there really are no limits – except the ones we place on ourselves.

So, yes. I was excited yesterday.

I’m excited today.

It was about time for a change.

I Saw

“And it’s amazing
With the look in your eyes
Like you could save me
But you won’t even try
And then you tell me again
How everything will be alright

And if I told you
That I’m sorry
Would you tell me that you were wrong
Or would you hold me down forever
If I came to your for answers

And I saw
Pictures in my head
And I swear I saw you opening up, again

And I’m surrounded
You spill
All alive and brand new
And I’ll forget about you long enough
To forget why I need to

And I saw
Pictures in my head
And I swear I saw you opening up again
Cause I would be heavenly if
Baby you’d just rescue me now

The days are
Drifting away from me
I still wake up
Burning through everything now

And I saw
Pictures in my head
And I swear I saw you opening up again
I would be heavenly if
Baby you’d just rescue me now
Pictures in my head
I saw you opening up again
Cause I would be heavenly if
Baby you’d just rescue me now.”
-Matt Nathanson

*Just listen, don’t look at the stupid embedded video.

Hello Bonjour

“I don’t need a passport to walk on this earth
Anywhere I go ’cause I was made of this earth
I’m born of this earth
I breathe of this earth
And even with the pain I believe in this earth…”
-Michael Franti & Spearhead

What a long fucking week.

I have been sick, so crazy sick, and though I’m on the road to recovery, I’m definitely not even close to being 100% yet. As I was explaining to a friend, I don’t think I’ve worked out since Tuesday? Wednesday maybe? That’s a sure sign that I’m not all right – because my workouts center me and are a huge part of me and a part of what keeps my brain ticking and keeps my sanity (relatively) in check. I am not so much worried about the health aspects of skipping my workouts, because I haven’t eaten much – not like I need to work super hard to burn off that bowl of soup I choked down for lunch. I just can’t even fathom trying to work out because I get winded walking from one end of the house to another (and the house ain’t THAT big).

On top of that, it’s just been a matter of trying to get a lot of things done. My sister’s wedding is the family’s preoccupation these days. Feeling like hell, I went with her to find bridesmaid dresses this week and love what we found. I tried to encourage her to do more on her own and less of involving all her many parentals into the equation — maybe that will shut people up (some).

Then my mother called the other day. That is not unusual – she calls at least once daily. I’ve already talked to her on the phone TWICE today and seen her once (when I picked up my kids from their slumber party at Grandma’s). Apparently, though, one of the other guys who lives in my brother’s group home called my dad to rat my brother out. I guess my brother has been “dating” a girl from the group home down the street (so this is how these people hook up – there’s honestly like social gatherings for the developmentally disabled peeps – that’s how they find each other). She sounds like somewhat of a fruit loop – at least one failed suicide attempt under her belt. I’m not sure what the reason was for the attempt – but know that if she’s anything like my brother, her ability to logic and reason is not necessarily ADULT. Mentally, my brother is younger than a ten year old. Short story long, right? The roommate told my dad that my brother and this “girlfriend” are talking marriage. Oy. To be honest, he’s an adult. I’m not sure they can stop him. Legally, he’s an adult anyway. Mentally, he most definitely isn’t. Emotionally, he SO isn’t. My dad’s wife said to my mother, “Encourage him for a loooooooong engagement” – thinking that if they stall him versus putting the smack down, they can just ignore the whole mess. I’m not sure how that works, really – but know that there is never a shortage of drama in my family. And I KIND OF WISH THERE WAS.

I am ready for another week. Unfortunately, tomorrow is an off day for school (“Teacher Inservice Day” because the school district is too lame ass to just have a day off for MLK), so it’s not entirely back to routine yet. I’m hoping to be a doing a little bit better, though, so I can at least feel human and have a good day with the little people.

One Song Glory

“Find glory
In a song that rings true
Truth like blazing fire…”
-Roger (RENT)

I love RENT. I’ve seen it performed on stage several times (and would go 100 more if I could). The Roger (Heinz Winckler) in this version was the winner of South African Idol and actually out of all the performances I’ve seen, was the best Roger ever. That always strikes me as a sign that I’ve seen RENT too many times – that I can pick and choose different actors from each cast to put together the ideal cast for the perfect production.

Nerd, much?

Anyway, the whole show is good (but the movie is only mediocre so don’t let that be your first exposure to the musical).

Take Me As I Am

“I don’t need a bed of roses
Cuz roses wither away
What I really need is honesty
And someone with a strong heart, a gentle hand
To take me as I am…”
-Faith Hill

With my sister’s wedding on the horizon and numerous friends of mine hanging in their wedded bliss (or just relationshippy bliss), I find myself thinking frequently about compatibility between a couple – what makes them work together or not and what makes a couple stay together.

It is a common source of amusement that my husband and I really have nothing in common. He’s VERY left brained, and I’m predominantly right brained (though oddly enough, I have a distinct left side as well). I have never seen him willingly read a book, and I’ve always got my nose in one. He can rattle off stats for just about every Heisman winner in history and I really could give a shit less. If we’re at a club or party, I want to be on the dance floor and he’d rather be hanging at a table or at a bar with friends shooting the breeze (often, about sports).

Oddly enough though, we’ve both taken the Jungian (or Meyers Briggs) personality tests and we are both SO TRUE TO TYPE that I’m surprised that they don’t have our pictures as the headings for these suckers. I am such a true INFJ that if you read the description of it, you pretty much know all there is to know about me. And my husband? He’s ISTJ to the letter.

The more I think about it, the more I think this personality test should be required for couples planning to marry. Sure, you know you’re in love and you know that you love certain things about this person – but I find that it pretty much nails both the positive and negative attributes of the person (and yes, I’ll admit I have negative attributes).

Anyway, for Tuesday, take the test. Come back and let me know what you are so I can read all about you and find out what makes you tick.

Radio

“Taking your own life with boredom
I’m taking my own life with wine
It helps you to rule out the sorrow
It helps me to empty my mind…”
-Alkaline Trio

I’m combining Saturday and Sunday’s post because yesterday got away with me and now it’s Sunday and I never posted a song yesterday. Last night someone told me to listen to this song and while the lyrics are a bit rough (“Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades” – ?!), but melodically it appeals to me and sometimes you just need a good “I’m pissed off” song. And this is DEFINITELY a pissed off song.

We’ve got a lot of snow. I hate snow. Yesterday I went out with my mom and sister – we went into a building and there was no snow. A few hours later, we came out and the roads were a slush mess and the snow was falling hard. Driving was a white-knuckle experience and it took a LONG time to get home. Already I’m starting to get antsy that school might be closed tomorrow. I hate snow days.

And I hate that I hate snow days so much. I hate that I look like this mom who doesn’t want to spend time with her children – but that’s not it. Right now, I am doing about 85% of the work around the house. The percentage of the load I’m carrying will only grow in the next few months. I accept, to a degree, that I had some idea that that was what I was getting into – but I also cannot shove aside the fact that I am and always have been a person who needs quiet time and solitude to feel whole and to be myself. When I have to overlook my need for time to catch my breath, I get this need to crawl the walls. I hate it. I know that someday my kids are going to be older and want nothing to do with me and I am going to kick myself for whining about snow days – so I try, lately, to take deep breaths and think before reacting or showing my frustration. Ask me in a few days how that’s working out for me.