INTERVIEW WITH A LYRICAL

Last week, at some point Lydia at Nothing Rhymes with Lydia did a cool interview post and then I asked to be interviewed. She sent me some questions and then I sat on them for a week – because I’m a chump.

Without further adieu:

1. What villian from literature or history do you relate to the most?
THIS is the question that had me procrastinating the interview! I couldn’t think of one. I still can’t. I told a friend, “I’m going to name one of the Wicked Stepmothers.” He said, “That’s so lame.” Then I said, “You know, I really don’t think there are any villians ANYWAY, just people who are misunderstood.” Thank god for IM, because I’m quite certain that had he not been just reading my words on a screen, he’d have thrown something at me. Fact is – I couldn’t think of any villians, let alone any that I relate to – and I wasn’t going to use the “Virgin Mary” answer that my friend told me to use – because I can’t relate much to her. Sorry.

2. Is society overly obsessed with celebrities?
Kinda sorta maybe. I admit – I love to curl up with an issue of People magazine and just mind numb myself with that shit. I do. Am I obsessed? Nah. I’m not going to buy a purse because it’s the one Katie (circus freak) Holmes carries. I’m not rushing out to buy a specific brand of perfume being hawked by Sarah Jessica Parker or whoever (they all have their own fragrances these days). So, some may be obsessed. Not this chicky, though.

3. Dogs or cats and why?
Actually, I’m allergic to both, but more allergic to cats. Even so, I prefer dogs. Someday I’ll get a dog. But I just think dogs are awesome. I’ve never played fetch with a cat.

4. If you could do one thing today that would make the world a better place, what would you do and why?
Seriously (putting on tree hugger hat): I would lobby hard for better recycling programs in our county. I know you said world. but ya gotta start somewhere. I think people don’t recycle because really, it’s not convenient. I know locally – there’s no where near to recycle and there’s no service that picks up recycleables. It’s really stupid. And it’s a pain. I’d get in, roll the sleeves up and find a way to make it happen.

Actually, I should really do that.

5. If you could name a planet, what would you name it and why?
Dang. I would likely morph my kids’ names together to make a cool name. Or Pluto, because I kinda liked having a planet called Pluto.

Random Quote #1

“A woman’s mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag.”
-Billy Connelly

Originally, my Tuesday post today was going to be to ask you about your resolutions for the New  Year: if you have them, if you believe in them, if you think I should have them, what mine should be. Then, I got the daily Real Simple quote of the day about women and handbags, and then I looked in my purse when my kid and I were at Target and realized that there is so much crap in there that I couldn’t find the things I need. I figured, HEY, let me do all of you a service, and sort of force the issue – if I ask you what’s in your bag/purse/wallet, well, then you might as well clean yours out while you’re in there. Right? And what better way to start out the new year than with a nice clean purse (or wallet, for you guys who might be playing along)?

What’s in yours?

Mine contains:

• A digital camera
• Two receipts from Target
• A checkbook (though I never write checks, really, so… why?)
• A paint chip from painting my daughters’ playrooms (Behr Innuendo and Behr Bloomsberry, if you were curious)
• A travel pack of tissue
• Security badge to let me into my office that I’ve been to maybe twice in the past two years
• A Starbucks coupon
• A card from my sister’s father for my kids – it has money that I’m supposed to spend on gifts for them from him
• An envelope with a twenty in it from my Grandpa (in addition to gifts, he gives all the grandkids $20, greats get $10, and his kids get giftcards – he signs them all from Santa – he’s so adorable)
• Small zippered pouch containing my voter’s registration card (which I’ve never needed), business cards, and three Starbucks gift cards that have no remaining balance
• A little red mitten that a Starbucks gift card was tucked into for Christmas (Hmmm, theme here?)
• Target petroleum jelly lip balm
• Vaseline Total Moisure Conditioning body lotion (hate this stuff – use it if desperate – but it smells good)
• A mini Kit Kat bar from Halloween
• Clinique Black Honey Almost Lipstick
• The Body Shop Almond Oil Nail & Cuticle Balm
• The Body Shop Snow Lip Balm
• A $5 Target gift card (YAY! I was looking for that at the store today and couldn’t find it in my mess of a purse!)
• Lens re-wetting drops for my contacts
• Tide to Go stain remover pen
• Ponytail holder
• Clinique lipstick in Tenderheart
• Aura lipstick in Ripe Fig
• Two Ultra  Fine Point Sharpie markers
• Two ball point pens
• A few, uh, girl things
• Reminders for my next appointment with the dentist and with the dermatologist
• Wallet containing: library card, insurance card, military ID (civilian), drivers license, Starbucks Gold card, Starbucks gift card with $.18 remaining on it, a few credit cards, $56 in cash and $2.66 in change.

And now my purse is clean. Who’s next?

Three Marlenas

“She’s gonna pick a star in the night
And pray to make it all right
She tried so hard not to pick a kite
She always prayed to heaven lights…”
-The Wallflowers

This song has been in my head as I’ve been stuck to the couch glued to “Water for Elephants” by Sara Gruen. I’m almost done with it. In the book, two of the maincharacters are a guy named Jacob and a woman named Marlena – which called to mind this Wallflowers song – and the Wallflowers are fronted by Jakob Dylan. Yeah, that’s how my mind works. Connection – to me, anyway.

It’s been a long week and I knew it would be. Christmas break being two weeks? It’s crazy. We’re halfway through now and the days have blended into each other so that for the past few days I have had no immediate knowledge of what day of the week it is. I just got off the phone with my mom a few minutes ago and during that conversation, she was trying to tell me something that happened to my sister, “Thursday, no wait, Friday, wait – What day was Christmas?” Yeah, we’re all messed up. No clue, no clue.

New Years Eve is just around the corner and it makes me nostalgic a bit to think about where I was last year at this time and to know how different things are. Some of the changes over the past year have been good, some less so. I’m not sure what NYE holds for us – last year, we had dinner with my sister and her boyfriend and then had a low key evening sharing drinks and Wii-ing with our neighbors. This year, the couple we like best in the neighborhood is out of the rotation as the wife-half is pregnant with multiples and has been in the hospital for quite some time. I’m guessing that it’ll be a low key night at home – and though I’m not a bar-fly wanting to ring in the New Year with a bunch of drunk twenty-somethings, still the thought of sitting at home on NYE doesn’t appeal to me. Part of me thinks the way you start your year sets the tone for the rest of it – what does it mean to watch the ball drop from my couch in the living room? (And really, if I’m at home will I even make it until midnight? Odds are, no). Sigh.

Today would have been my grandmother’s birthday. I’m not sure what else to say about that. I realized it yesterday when I looked at the calendar. Woke up today just knowing. Sometimes I think life would be easier if I had a shitty memory and didn’t remember stuff.

Winter Song

“They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow
Or so I have been told…”
-Ingrid Michaelson & Sara Bareilles

Unfortunately, the official version of this video won’t link. I actually first heard this song on Christmas Eve and it’s safe to say that it’s been stuck in my head almost consistently since then. I adore Ingrid Michaelson and have for awhile because I think she’s a very quirky singer/songwriter and she’s hilarious in concert. I have no real opinion on Sara Bareilles up until this point – I had only heard her songs on the radio and those I could take or leave.

There is something about this song, though, that so fully appeals to me that I can’t get it out of my head – and the thing is, I don’t want to. I love it.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

“Through the years we all will be together
If the fates allow
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough…”
-Traditional (orig. Judy Garland)

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope it’s been a fabulous day for you and yours, or at least a not so shitty day. I am winding down from an extremely full day that started when I woke up STARVING at 5:30 a.m. (yes, I was up before the kids – that’s totally wrong, isn’t it?). I lay in bed for awhile and when I realized that I was just getting hungrier, I got up and went downstairs to make a slice of toast to eat and curled up with a book waiting for the rest of the family.

The kids were thrilled with everything. They were patient, gracious, and excited. They were on their best “we are the most fabulous children EVAH” behavior, and I’m grateful for that. Our Christmas present shenanigans (don’t you love that word? I wish I had more opportunity to use it in conversation) takes place in several rounds. The first, at our house, involves the kiddos opening their stockings and presents from Santa. We then travel to my mom’s to open presents from immediate family. Round three takes place a bit later in the day when the extended family descends upon my mom’s house for “dinner” and more presents (By the way, that meal at 3 p.m.? I have a hard time calling it dinner).

Fairly traditional, and we pretty much follow this pattern that after round two of presents, my husband and I left the kids with my mom and brought a haul of their presents home to start putting things away. There’s nothing worse than spending a day doing Christmas and coming home exhausted and THEN having to try to piece your house and your life together. It’s also a nice break from the family aspect of the day, if I’m being totally honest. It gets overwhelming.

We spent an hour at home – putting presents away, then my husband worked out while I sat on my ass IM’ing a girlfriend and buying new music on iTunes (including more Kings of Leon because I just don’t have enough of them). By the time we got back, we were ready to start the next round of family.

It actually went okay. Except.

My sister didn’t get proposed to for Christmas. And to be honest – though I didn’t broadcast this opinion – really? What the hell?! Poor guy – her boyfriend is a sweet guy, loves her like crazy, and he HAS the ring picked out for her. He obviously PLANS to propose to her. Why does she have to dictate the timeline like that? I could see it on her face that she was upset that he hadn’t popped the question. What made it worse? Her boyfriend hearing my mom respond to my grandmother’s question about “did he give her a ring?” He was mortified, my sister was mortified. Then my sister hid in a guest room for an hour. Wheeeeee. (And this could well be why I don’t have more female friends – because this? I just don’t get it).

My brother only cried once. My grandmother only offended two people instead of everyone. The food sucked but my dessert kicked ass. It always does, actually – I make awesome dessert, it may be the best thing I have going for me. My grandmother, who is stingy with her compliments, asked why I didn’t make a business out of baking (Short Answer: I really have no idea). My uncle, who has never seemed to like me, all of the sudden adores me since I have started taking guitar lessons. He even hugged me goodbye and I’m quite certain the man has never hugged me before in my life. Then again, maybe he was just drunk.

But as far as Christmasses go, it was a good one. It was a good day. I’m so completely wiped out. My eyelids are heavy and I can’t wait to sleep. Sleep would be very good.

Merry Christmas to you and yours.

American Teen

Sure, everyone else who is posting blogs today is writing about Christmas and holidays, and I post a movie clip. Y’all are probably wondering what the hell my point is? No, has nothing to do with Christmas. Sorry. If you want festive, move along. Nothing to see here. Today.

I rented “American Teen” last night. The movie, advertised as a modern-day ”Breakfast Club” caught my attention – because, well, who doesn’t love “Breakfast Club”? (I also rented “Burn After Reading”, by the way, and after about ten minutes realized I was totally not in the mood for that movie). “American Teen” is a documentary – following the lives of some kids at a huge high school in a rural midwestern town. Of course – they tried to pin down the stereotypes. The Jock, The Geek, The Rebel, The Princess, The Heartthrob.

In watching the movie, it hit me that though my high school years were nowhere near that hard, there’s no way I would go back. I don’t know if it was the editing or if high school has just gotten that much harder (I mean, hell, people are getting broken up with via text message – tell me that doesn’t suck!?), but there were some kids in the movie I really felt for. The Jock? When his dad told him that it was a scholarship or The Army? Nice. The Princess? What a bitch. Though, I’m quite sure I knew people like her. The Rebel? She wasn’t really a rebel – an artistic girl going through a depression. The Heartthrob? Largely forgettable, but cute. I guess that was the point.

It was a good movie though, and one that we may let my stepson watch to show him that even the people who look on the outside like they’ve got the whole world in their hands have hard times too. That if high school and teen years were easy, then why do so many people say, “You couldn’t pay me enough to go back”!?

I didn’t fit neatly into any one niche in high school – and still don’t think I could define myself. Creative, good at math, cheerleader, Honor Society, just as likely to be friends with the homecoming queen as with the guy smoking pot in the parking lot between (or instead of) classes. And I’m still like that – probably couldn’t neatly define me and put me in a little box (though, if you want to try, go for it). I like that about myself.

Would you go back to do high school again? What do you remember about your teen years? If you’ve seen this movie, what did you think?

(Oh, and Merry Christmas Eve Day).

Kung Fu Fighting

“Everybody was kung fu fighting
Those kicks were fast as lightning…”
-Carl Douglas

It’s not a bright idea to sneak up behind me and touch me because my lightning quick reflexes may lead me to just throw my hands back behind me and poke you in the eye.

Just ask my husband.

Disclaimer: It was totally a defense mechanism – I did it without thinking, and then went, “Oh shit, that was his EYE.” Even though he’s been kind of an asshole lately, I stand by my assertion that it was a defense mechanism and not just me being a bitch. That is all.

Rodeo Clowns

“The disco ball’s spinnin’, all the music and the women
And the shots of tequila
Man they say that they need ya…”
-Jack Johnson

Another Sunday. The Sunday before Christmas. I meant to be done shopping a week ago, and really have only one gift left to buy and maybe if the road crews finally come through today I’ll be able to get out and get it. I have seen the weather patterns for the country called a couple things over the past week: snowpocalypse or snowmageddon, for example. Whatever you want to call it, this year has been a wild weather ride, reminding people that even if you think you’re safe from this white crap living in Las Vegas, mother nature will still find a way to thumb her nose at you and tell you, “You stupid sucker!” and then dump a ton of snow on you.

From the looks of it, we have another four inches of fresh snow coating our driveway – on top of the too much snow we got during the week. The wind outside is blowing hard – I see the screens on my window rustle with each gust of cold air.

Winter can bite my ass.

My daughter has been sick this week and I feel it coming on, so I’m not looking forward to it. I’m still making weak attempts to not get hit by the bug she had – but there were times yesterday when I felt so dizzy I was reaching for walls to steady myself, and so, I know it’s coming. And I’m not happy about it. I’m congested and feel the starts of that tickle in my throat – and know that the cough will be next and if I’m lucky, the rest of it will avoid me. Out of curiosity, I took my temperature yesterday – and my temperature (all three times I tried, because I am a nut) was too low to register on the ear thermometer. Huh.

Christmas is coming this week and my kids are very excited – and I’ll be happy to have the “BIG DAY” finally get here. Daily, my youngest asks if today is Christmas. I’m looking forward to finally being able to tell her that YES, today is Christmas.

My oldest is now on Christmas break – so she’s home and off of school for the next two weeks. My stepson has been here since Friday and will be here until next Friday. I’m not sure schedule wise which days my husband is home this week (besides Christmas) but know that by next Monday, I’ll be ready to keel over from all the family togetherness. You know me and my need for downtime. But, I think this week will be busy, so I’m sure it will fly by – and that’s a good thing.

I hope you all have a happy Sunday. Is anyone travelling for the holidays? Taking a vacation? Going where it’s warm?

Alone

“Til now, I always got by on my own…”
-Heart

This morning I was driving to the store – somehow, I managed to escape the house alone without kids. I love to be in the car by myself – I plug my iPod in and blast it, and I don’t have to worry about “Not Safe For Kids” music coming on – sometimes there is no better cure for the blah’s than being able to sing expletives at the top of your lungs (and maybe a little off key sometimes).

“Alone” by Heart came on. I know when you look at the video, it’s straight up 80s (that HAIR, oh my god), but I love this song anyway.

There’s also this live version of Carrie Underwood singing with Heart – which is actually is a nice version of it, it’s a little softer.

This is not a song I dare sing along to. You just can’t. Let me rephrase: I just can’t.

Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)

“Well if you liked it you should have put a ring on it…”
-Beyonce

*Disclaimer: I feel the need to qualify this by saying I have never heard this song before. I do not like Beyonce and do not condone the listening of her music.

My sister has given her boyfriend an ultimatum. She wants a ring on her finger by New Years or she says she’s gone. She says she’s gone, but they live together, her job is shit and she really has no where else to go except back home to our mother, and that can’t possibly be the more appealing of the options.

The guy is a cool guy. We adore him and won’t be upset to have him in our family. The guy has bought my sister a ring. He told my mom, my sister’s seen the damn thing – he’s just waiting for the “right time” to pop the question. Every time I hear her talk about “he has two weeks” or “New Years is around the corner”, well, it makes me crazy.

She’s 21. In our neck of the woods, it isn’t uncommon to marry young, but I don’t necessarily think it’s the brightest idea (sure – I say that now, but I was engaged at 22 and married at 23, and I’m quite certain that no one could have talked me out of it if they tried – oh wait, my dad did sort of try). I’ve held my tongue every time she’s bitched that he hasn’t proposed because I think she’s making a huge mistake and it makes me crazy.

Sometimes I wish I had waited to get married – to have a little more life under my belt. Granted, I did live on my own for a year and had years of dorm life (whoo) behind me, so didn’t necessarily go from “my parents’ house to my husband’s house” – I kind of wish that I had let myself be more carefree and be young and dumb and just BE A KID for awhile longer.

I think ultimatums suck. I wouldn’t be surprised if we witness a Christmas proposal, but I feel so bad for the dude that he’s getting bullied into rushing his time line.

Women suck (even people I love).