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“If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17
First I’d prove it’s me by saying look under your bed
There’s a Skoal can and a Playboy no one else would know you hid…”
-Brad Paisley
A long while back, I wrote a letter to my younger self and posted it somewhere on this blog (Where and when I’m not sure because it was a while ago and I’m far too lazy to look it up). I still think about it, though, the whole concept of what would you say to yourself if you could talk to your younger self and steer them in a different direction – or if you would have yourself stay the course.
I think of the things I might have told the younger me – things like:
Say yes
Say no
Don’t transfer to a different college
Don’t let it get to you
You don’t have to be so strong
Don’t be afraid to lean on others
Listen to your dad just that one time – he’s not just trying to be a prick
Live more life
Don’t think so much about what other people think
It’s not about the number on the tag
You’ll look back and love you some day
It’s not the end of the world
He’s not the end of the world
Hang on to your friendships
Let that friendship go
What are the things you would tell the younger you if you could? The good, the bad, the indifferent…
“You’re part of my entity
Here for infinity…”
-Rhianna (or Marie Digby… or Taylor Swift… or any of the 101 people who have covered this song)
First things first: my daughter hates this song. She doesn’t like the way Rhianna says “Umbrella”. I prefer the Marie Digby version. It’s one of those songs that annoyed the hell out of me but grew on me in a fungal kind of way (Katy Perry, I’m talkin’ to you).
It’s been a long week. That kidney hoohaa really was a bitch in the middle of the week (oh, and that whole pap smear thing wasn’t a joy either, but whatever – I take my health pretty seriously – which is probably leftover from all the years of working in a hospital. You see enough people come in with diseases in advanced stages, and you realize that it’s worth it to stay up on your checkups – so that if anything odd develops, you can hopefully catch it early. So, I’m notorious with my girly-exams, dental exams, mole checks at the derm (which creep me out, actually – my dermatologist puts on this weird magnifying thingy and looks over damn near every inch of my body – and I pay for it. Sigh).
Anyway – I’m doing well now – was finally able to get a decent workout yesterday. I postponed working out for two days. That was hard for me – the one constant to all my days is that I break a sweat doing something good for me (well, that and the inevitable fact that I’m going to be cleaning up after every other freakin’ person in my house). I tried Friday with a walk, and ended up bailing and heading home with only two miles in. Yesterday I easily managed three. Today? Who knows!
Beyond my charming kidneys, life flew by this week. I opened my eyes and it was Monday, blinked and now it’s Sunday. Fortunately, no Saturday passive-aggressiveness this week, and that was a relief. Instead we dropped off the kids with my mom after their swim lesson and went to a Mexican restaurant where I gorged on chips and salsa (never mind that ten pounds I lost, I think I ate that much in chips and salsa) – I was so full by the time my meal came, I took a bite of it and then swore I’d just have to pack the rest up and take it home. We even made it through a trip to a home improvement store without biting each other’s heads off (last trip to Home Depot involved a bitch fest over a weed whacker. Kid you not). It was a pretty low key day – and a true rarity, actually.
Today brings many familial obligations (uggggggggggh). But we’ll get through. Happy Sunday, ya’ll.
“And in your eyes I see
What’s on my mind…”
-Dave Matthews Band
I was late to the table of millions of people drinking the Dave Matthews kool-aid. I don’t swoon over DMB, never have, but I don’t dislike them. There’s no doubt that they are truly an amazing band musically. I like their stuff just fine, but “Say Goodbye” is the DMB song I most love. Again, I’ve linked it in case YouTube wants to be nitpicky about working. I love this song. I love this song. I love this song.
And I can tell this video was taken earlier in a show – because when performing, Dave Matthews sweats like a whore in church and he looks relatively dry here.
“Do you really want to hurt me?
Do you really want to make me cry?”
-Culture Club
Coincidence and irony is never wasted on me.
Saturday night, my stepbrother was telling me and my sister how he had had the sex talk with his 12 year old son that day – gave him the facts of the birds n’ the bees. He said he did it while driving, eyes straight ahead – told him, “Let me know if you have any questions.” My sister and I turned to each other and I said, “Did mom have the talk with you?” She looked at me, “No, did she have the talk with you?”
No. She didn’t. Seconds later, my mom walked up and said, “What are you talking about?” Sis said, “We were just talking about how you never gave us the ’sex talk’.”
“Sure I did,” said mom. “I told you to get up and go pee after sex so you wouldn’t get urinary tract infections.”
True. This lecture came in college. I remember calling my mom from the lobby of a lecture hall in such excruciatingly miserable pain when she delivered the “get up and pee” information. Great. Thanks.
Needless to say, though, I am a pretty religious follower of the whole “get up and pee” drill, which is why last night when I started realizing that I had the symptoms of a UTI, I was thinking, “What the fuck?” And then when my back started hurting like hell on top of it, I was curled up in a fetal position trying to find a way to not feel the daggers in my back.
I went to sleep in extreme misery, and woke up not much better. Had to deal with my husband on top of that, who for some reason had the genius idea that a wife who can’t even get comfortable doing NOTHING might be up for some action. Seriously? Stupid man. I work out daily – rain or shine, no matter what – when I haven’t worked out because I’m in such pain – it’s a pretty good indicator that all is not right in my world. Back the hell off unless you have a nice mug of tea and you’ve run me a bubble bath.
Oddly enough, I already had a doctor’s appointment scheduled today (I love being female – blah) where I found out that I have a kidney infection. I’m loaded with antibiotics and I’m drinking uncomfortable amounts of cranberry juice (which is just not the same without the Absolut). The plus side of my day is hearing that all the weight I gained with the thyroid hoohaa IS gone. I am back to my fighting weight – something I could appreciate a lot more if I wasn’t sitting on the couch like a slug.
“And I don’t regret the rain
Every night I felt the pain
All the tears I had to cry
Some of those times along the way…”
-Lila McCann
I’m the anti-believer when it comes to regrets because I feel that all of the things we encounter in our lives as we live day by day, week by week, month to year – all of those things become a part of the person we are. Part of the good, bad, the ugly. Even experiences and things that hurt so bad at the time became something that I’ve been able to turn over in my head as time has gone on – to reevaluate, to ponder, to lend thought to.
What it all boils down to is that even the worst pain was for a reason – whatever it might be. Lately, I’ve had a couple of reminders of times in my life when I was hurting – and how I came out on the other side, stronger and with better relationships to show for it. The things I felt were the end of my world when I was 17, 18, 19 are actually a blessing to me now.
For example, chronic near misses with a friend of mine – where we never quite got it together to truly give things a shot as boyfriend/girlfriend result in the fact that when the chips are down, we have someone who knows who the other is, and why they are the way they are… Whereas, had that relationship ever been attempted, it would not have worked (I know this now – there is no fucking way it would have worked, no matter what he might say, because I know him and I know me, and we would have driven each other absolutely apeshit – and not in a good way).
What has happened to you that seemed like the end of the world at the time, but was really a spring board to better things in your life?
(I swear, next Tuesday I’ll ask something easy like “What color underwear are you wearing?” Mine are turquoise today, by the way).
“Hm, let’s add up all the factors
You’re whack, you twisted, your girl’s a ho
You’re broke, the kid ain’t yours and everybody know…”
-DMX
Yup, Sunday again. It’s been a long weekend already – yesterday was a day full of family hoohaa – not even my family. My mom’s husband’s fam – which means that there were about fifty people, thirty of whom I’ve never met before. It was fine, fine – my sister and I spent lots of time laughing at the people who got started with their drinking before noon – so by three were wasted out of their minds. Fuuuuuun times.
Even better was getting in an argument with hubs at the gathering – well, it would have been an argument if he would have told me he was upset or called me out – instead of pulling the silent treatment (with the exception of the door slammage and walking away from me repeatedly). I can handle a lot – but passive aggressiveness is a tough nut for me to crack. Finally we were able to talk about it, and worked it through and worked it out – but the thing is, I have yet to get a hold of that funky Delorean from “Back to the Future”. I cannot go back in time and change anything and I can’t get a do-over, but, if you talk to me about why you’re mad, I can surely make an effort to not do it again…
While he was avoiding me, I ended up sitting on the deck with my drunk stepbrother, which was hilarious. He is kind of a clown anyway, but was trying to make me laugh: “How about if I lift up my shirt and show everyone my boobies?” he said. Um. Sure. Go for it. Made me smile, anyway, which was needed. I wasn’t laughing when he came back and said that he gave the drink he made for me to his brother. Thanks for nothin’, buckaroo.
Today is a new day though, and I decided last night that I would take the girls out for donuts for breakfast (bagel for me, I really don’t like donuts). We got our sugar infusion and my coffee and delivered a dozen donuts for the kids at the family gathering (like vultures, I tell you – some of those kids were double fisting the donuts – which is gross. But like I said, I don’t like donuts). My kids are whipped from running around all day yesterday and I’m drained from dealing with mess. Aren’t Sundays wonderful?
I had a funky dream last night that I went out on a date with LL Cool J. Yeah, that was a nice dream. We were driving to a mall in a snow storm, for some reason. We ended up in a store that sells t-shirts. I have no idea what it means. Don’t care. It was nice to get some nighttime eye candy.
In other randomness, I hate the new Coldplay song (guess it’s not that new). It isn’t growing on me, and playing it every 45 minutes isn’t increasing my love for it. Everytime “Viva La Vida” (is that what it’s even called? Hell if I know) comes on, all I can think of is “The Forty Year Old Virgin”…
Anyway, it’s Sunday, y’all. Have a great one.
“I guess we go too far
when pianos try to be guitars…”
-Tori Amos
I suppose it’s no surprise to anyone that I adore Tori Amos. I got hooked in college – “Little Earthquakes” just moved me. There was so much on that album that was so amazing (Don’t feel bad if you have no Tori-love, I realize she’s kind of an acquired taste).
Through the years, I haven’t loved every album she’s done (in fact, I didn’t even buy the last one). But when “From The Choirgirl Hotel” came out, this is one of the songs that I gravitated to. Lyrically, Tori is sometimes vague and nonsensical – her songs rarely seem to interpret literally, but this one really makes no secret of what it’s about. And it’s not just the words that move me. This is definitely one of my favorite Tori Songs. I’m including the YouTube link - the video is random, but actually pretty fitting to the song, and quite beautiful.
“
Name that song that…
reminds you of an ex-lover
“Closer”, Nine Inch Nails
reminds you of an ex-friend
“Where You End”, Moby
makes you cry
“Boston”, Augustana
makes you laugh
I just heard a pro-Sarah Palin rap that was pretty damn funny, though I’m thinking it wasn’t supposed to be.
makes you wanna dance
“SexyBack”, JT or “Hips Don’t Lie”, Shakira
makes you want to run and jump
I never really wanna run
makes you think about the one you want
“Bubble Toes”, Jack Johnson (‘cuz I want him!)
makes you think about the one you love
“Truly Madly Deeply”, Savage Garden (Reminds me of when we were young and stupid)
you wish you wrote
Far too many
you want to get married to
I’m not doing it again!!!!
makes you wanna mosh
“Head Like a Hole”, NIN
helps vent your frustration
“Back Off Bitch”, G n’ R or “Untouchable Face”, Ani DiFranco
sums up your teenage years
Uh, hello? Anything by Nirvana.
you like to wake up to
I’m Yours”, Jason Mraz
you love from your parent’s collection
The Good Morning song my dad used to sing every day
you love but wouldn’t know about it if it wasn’t for a friend
“9 Crimes”, Damien Rice/Lisa Hannigan
you love the video more than the song
“Right Now”, Van Halen
reminds you of your first crush
“Wonderful Tonight”, Eric Clapton (He sang it to me. Beautifully)
you love from your favorite movie
“It Had to Be You”, Harry Connick Jr from “When Harry Met Sally”
you love to hear at clubs
Anything you can dance to – I don’t care! I love dancing. If it has a good beat, you can’t get me off the dance floor.
makes you think of the moon
“Smog Moon”, Matthew Sweet
makes you think of the stars
“Change The World”, Eric Clapton
makes you think of the sun
“Walking on Sunshine”, Katrina and the Waves
makes you think of sex
“One and One”, 2 Live Crew and “I Love My Sex”, Benassi Brothers and “The Bad Touch”, Bloodhound Gang, and….
makes you think about death
Nothing comes to my head….
makes you think of being alone
“Stranded”, Heart
“Which was why it was so galling to be ‘teaching’ today’s prepackaged lesson, whose misleading and dangerous title she’d scribbled on the blackboard at the beginning of class with a shaky, self-loathing hand: “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS SAFE SEX.” Well, of course there wasn’t, not if you defined safety as the impossibility of anything bad ever happening to anyone. There was no such thing as risk-free automobile travel, either, but we didn’t teach our kids to stay out of cars. We taught them defensive driving skills and told them a million times to wear their seatbelts, because driving was an important part of life, and everyone needed to learn how to do it as safely as possible.”
-Tom Perrotta
I am not the type of person who will ever debate politics with you (or, anyone else either for that matter). I don’t like political debates. I feel that most people know where they stand on issues – and having a personal philosophy, or whatever one might want to call it, most people can’t or won’t be swayed from it. That’s fine by me. Though I may think their opinion is stupid (don’t even get me started on my neighbor’s choice of political signs in his front yard), the fact of the matter is that one of the cool things about our country is that we have the freedom to believe what we want, even if it’s stupid.
Having said that, I’m currently re-reading “The Abstinence Teacher” – a novel by Tom Perrotta (the genius who wrote “Election” which became a pretty cool movie, and “Little Children” which became a mediocre movie, only interesting if you have any desire to see Kate Winslet naked — watch that movie’s popularity soar on Netflix now). His books are contemporary literature – not necessarily meant to be ground-shaking, idea creating stuff – but, I love ‘em.
In this book, the school’s health teacher gets busted for telling her class that oral sex can be enjoyable and it sets of a firestorm, including revamping the school’s sex ed curriculum to one that is abstinence-based. So, you can see how given today’s political climate and a certain somebody’s certain VP choice, this might be relevant.
I don’t think I make any secret of the fact that I’m pretty liberal politically. I am a liberal amidst a family of Catholic conservatives, and that’s fine by me. I’ve never talked to anyone on the other side of the spectrum about how they feel about an abstinence only based education, but personally? I think it’s stupid.
I’m not saying that abstinence shouldn’t be a part of that curriculum – it should be. It is the safest choice. Do I believe that teenagers need to be having sex? No, I don’t (I have daughters, remember – I am now of the belief that people shouldn’t start having sex until they can and do pay their own rent). But, I’m not naive enough to think that they don’t have sex. Or that by telling them they shouldn’t, that all of the sudden a light bulb will go off and they will find a way to circumvent their crazy whacky hormones and they will cross their legs, fold their hands neatly in their laps and say, “Sex? No thank you. I think I’ll wait.”
Not gonna happen.
As a parent, sure, I am not leaving the job of educating my children up to the school. I plan to start talking to them about this stuff little by little, in age appropriate ways as they get older (Never mind the fact that I learned all about sex from “Forever” by Judy Blume). I think that the onus should be on the parent to keep the lines of communication open and to talk about things and make sure that their children know that they have a parent they can talk to, lean on, seek guidance from and trust, with no fear of repurcussion or judgement. That’s my job as a mom. Will it be enjoyable? I’m thinking no. I’m thinking that at times it may be totally cringeworthy and make me want to crawl in a hole. Will that stop me from doing what I need to do to make sure my kids are educated? Hell no.
But, the thing is – not all parents are going to do that. I know mine didn’t. I can’t think of a single sex discussion aside from the time I was 8 or 9 and my mom had to gingerly explain what a “virgin” was when Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” was getting constant airplay on the radio, and the conversation when I was 19 and had been sexually active for awhile and my mom told me not to marry the first guy I had sex with (don’t worry, mom). For some kids, the school class is going to be the only sex ed those kids get. Don’t we owe it to them to make sure that it’s complete, that the choices are detailed, that the various methods of birth control (and yes, include abstinence!), how they work, success and failure rates, and all of that – why shouldn’t it all be laid out on the table to give these teens as much information as we can, so that when they do make the choice whether or not to have sex, they make it with as much knowledge and thought as possible.
It’s definitely a hot button topic that has come up repeatedly in this election. What are your hot button topics with this election? Obviously, there are many things getting talked about lately. What’s on your mind?
“I wanna know what you’re thinking
There are somethings you can’t hide
I wanna know
What you’re feeling
Tell me what’s on your mind…”
-Information Society
I got up this morning knowing that I had about five things I had to get done this morning – and I started feeling once again like maybe I was trying to get a little bit too much done, that maybe I wasn’t being realistic about all I had to do and the time frame I had given myself. I did this last week – kind of heaped task after task on my plate and then kind of felt a little loopy with the weight of it all. Today? Naw, I kicked ass today. I got two errands done on my way to my first appointment, then to my second major appointment, and then a few more errands done. I made it home by 11:30. This means I have time to crank out some work, hit the treadmill, shower, wash and fold laundry, and maybe even stare at the ceiling a bit before the school bus brings my oldest home and we have to go pick up the youngest.
Awesome.
My crazy morning means that I didn’t really have time to think of a good question (not sayin’ they’re all good… just… sayin’). So, I guess I’ll embrace the random that I’m feeling right now. What are the five random thoughts you’ve got going on?
Mine?
1. I need to make my bed
2. My head hurts – gotta find the tylenol and ibuprofen
3. Where did I put my running shoes?
4. I’m dreading back-to-school night tonight
5. I’ve got to file my nails down before my next guitar lesson
