Looking At the Sun

“Looking at the sun
Burned my eyes out and I’m blind now…”
-Matthew Sweet

Up ungodly early on a Sunday (I have been up since 5:30 – dammit!), and anxious to leave the house and leave my world in an hour. It’s been awhile since my BFF and I have taken a day trip, but that’s what we’re doing. She’s actually one of the few people I can stand to do long car rides with – I love the chance to reconnect with her, and I love being snarky and bitchy and laughing and silly. There’s a feeling I get when I’m able to just relax my guard and be myself and not really give a damn about what anyone thinks… and I’m looking forward to having that feeling.

I’ve been waiting for this day for awhile, not just because of my trip out – but because school starts Tuesday so I am most definitely REALLY in the homestrech now. Thank god. I look forward to being able to find some routine and normalcy in my days again. It’s been awhile, and the chaos in my head is reflecting that I’m not getting nearly enough time on my own.

I’m less than a week from the start of guitar lessons. Less than a week from my dad’s arrival in town (yes, my freezer is stocked and I do have the Absolut to chill me the hell out when push comes to shove and words are exchanged, like they almost always are when he comes to town). There’s a lot on the horizon in the next few days and weeks. I really need today.

Musical MeMe

1. Favorite Beatles song:
I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

2. Favorite Rolling Stones song:

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want”

3. Favorite Doors song:
“Hello, I Love You”

4. Favorite Bob Dylan song:

“It Ain’t Me, Babe”

5. Favorite Led Zeppelin song:
“Hey Hey What Can I Do”

6. TV Theme Song:
Greatest American Hero

7. Favorite Prince Song:
“Erotic City”

8. Favorite Madonna Song:
Tip it to old school Madonna – “Into the Groove”

9. Favorite Michael Jackson song:
PYT – Pretty Young Thing

10. Favorite Queen Song:
“Bohemian Rhapsody”

11. Favorite Motorhead Song:
No idea. Help me out if you know one.

12. Favorite Ozzy Song:
Mama I’m Comin’ Home

13. Favorite Public Enemy Song:

 ”911 is a Joke”

14. Favorite Song from a cartoon:

Oh god. Anything from the Backyardigans, I guess.

15. Favorite Bruce Springsteen song:
Dancing in the Dark

16. Favorite Depeche Mode song:

Personal Jesus

17. Favorite Cure song:
Just Like Heaven

18. Favorite song that most of your friends haven’t heard:
Many, but I really love “Shameless” by Ani DiFranco.

19. Favorite Smiths song:

“Please Please Please Let me Get What I want”

20. Favorite Beastie Boys song:

“Intergalactic”

21. Favorite Clash song:

Should I Stay or Should I Go

22. Favorite Police song:
Roxanne (If I had a dollar for every time I got drunk to this song…)

23. Favorite Eurythmics song:
Here Comes the Rain Again

24. Favorite Beach Boys song:

“California Girls” (since I used to be one)

25. Favorite Cyndi Lauper song:

“I Drove All Night”

26. Favorite song from a movie:

According to my iTunes count, “Same Mistake” by James Blunt

27. Favorite Duran Duran song:
Rio

28. Favorite Peter Tosh song:
No Clue

29. Favorite Johnny Cash song:
Folsom Prison Blues

30. Favorite song from an 80’s one hit wonder:
Mickey by Toni Basil

31. Favorite song from a video game:
Video games have songs?

32. Favorite Kinks song:

“You Really Got Me”

33. Favorite Genesis song:
A Groovy Kind of Love (I know that was just Phil Collins, but close enough)

34. Favorite Thin Lizzy song:
The Boys are Back In Town

35. Favorite INXS song:

“Never Tear Us Apart”

36. Favorite Weird Al song:
I really hate Weird Al.

37. Favorite Peter Gabriel song:
Sledgehammer

38. Favorite John Lennon song:

“Imagine”

39. Favorite Pink Floyd song:
Wish You Were Here

40. Favorite cover song:
Currently Boyce Avenue’s cover of Ne-Yo’s “Because of You”

42. Favorite dance song:
Currently either “Stripper” by Sohodolls or “I Like My Sex” by Benassi Brothers

43. Favorite U2 song:
All I Want Is You

44. Favorite song from an actor turned musician:
Nothing by David Hasselhoff….

45. Favorite disco song:
“Shake Your Booty”

46. Favorite Power Ballad:

“Angel Eyes” by Steelheart

47. Favorite Guns N’ Roses song:
Sweet Child o Mine or Back Off Bitch

48. Favorite The Who song:

Baba O’ Riley

49. Favorite Elton John song:
Sacrifice

50. Favorite song, period:
Way too many

51. Favorite Sting song:

If I Ever Lose My Faith In You

52. Favorite Billy Joel song:
The Longest Time

53. Favorite Burt Bacharach song:

“What the World Needs Now”

54. First popular song you have a memory of hearing on the radio:
Head Over Heels – the GoGos (Also the first RECORD I bought)

55. Favorite Eagles song:
No way I can choose just one. I love the Eagles.

56. Favorite Road Trip Song:
Far too many. I have a playlist on my iPod for this very thing.

Love Song

“Whenever I’m alone with you
You make me feel like I’m free again…”
-311

Last night, I went to a concert two hours away from home – and spent the ride there jamming to music from my iPod played through the car speakers and dancing in my passenger seat and the ride home playing with Twitter and fighting to stay awake (I did find out, however, that I know all of the words to “Ice Ice Baby” still, and though that is a fact that I obviously shouldn’t publish – I do it all for you. Yes, I am giving and considerate that way).

I love concerts – I love feeling the music through my body. I love dancing. I love the energy. I love big, overpriced drinks in plastic cups with little blue umbrellas in them (It had an umbrella! Wheeee!). I love long extended versions of songs I already love. I love watching guitar players (sigh) and hoping that maybe I’ll figure out what the hell I’m doing and be able to do that too.

But anyway, I saw 311 earlier this summer and they covered The Cure’s “Love Song”. To be honest, I always kind of liked The Cure’s version – until I heard 311’s and then I realized I really liked 311’s version. So, here it is.

Well, follow the link. I hate it when You Tube is all cranky.

She Works Hard For the Money

“She works hard for the money
So hard for it honey
She works hard for the money
So you better treat her right…”
-Donna Summer

As I type, I am sitting on the floor of my office wrapped in a towel having finally found time to take my shower – and yes, it’s 11 a.m. I decided to be lazy and pause for a bit – seeing as how I’ve been busting my ass on a work project for a few hours already this morning and several hours after I tucked in the kids last night. I was so in-my-zone last night I didn’t watch Obama’s speech though I wanted to but I guess I’ll just read about how I missed history (I always fucking miss history, so why break tradition now?).

I’ve got another few hours to get this project done and I’m not loving that, but I am also seeking distractions… so comment me some links on distractions, work-avoidance techniques, and things that will make me smile. And for all of you having a mellow Friday, a big raspberry to ya.

Watching the Sky

“Are you watching the sky, watching the sky too?”
- The Bangles

The other night, shortly after tucking in my kids I looked out the window in my office to see the sun was setting behind the trees and the sky was an amazing purple-blue color. I quick grabbed my camera even though I’m a pretty shitty photographer and went outside on my deck to take pictures knowing I’d never really be able to explain how it looked. I can describe emotions, I can describe my feelings – but sometimes I just let the pictures do the work. (Yeah, I cropped out all my neighbor’s houses – and my next door neighbor’s underwear hanging from her clothes-drying line in her yard – you don’t get that).

Ever since that stupid “Somewhere Out There” song came out a bazillion years ago (to go with the stupid cartoon about the rat? Mouse?) I have been somewhat fascinated with the not-so-earth shaking realization that the sky is the same sky whether you are in New York, Winnemucca, Nevada (it’s really a place – look it up), or Barbados. And though it’s hardly a profound concept, it kind of is. To me, anyway. That when each of looks up, we’re seeing the same sky. Sometimes I need to feel a little smaller than the world around me.

Let Me Turn You On

“I say well…
It feels so good to me
Well…
You know just how to set me free
Say let me let me let me let me let me
Let me turn you on…”
-Biz Markie

I constantly find myself getting into strange conversations with friends about sex. Usually it’s via email or chat, but it’s seemed that somewhat in the past year I have loosened up about talking about a lot of things and am pretty much an open book – for the most part, if you ask I’ll answer.

Anyway, given several discussions yesterday it stands to reason that my mind is pretty polluted today (maybe a bit more so than the average Tuesday), so when I was trolling for a question to ask you all this morning, naturally my mind gravitated towards the gutter. Given that I sometimes have trouble coming up with my Tuesday questions, I turned towards a book I have (of course I have a book!) of questions relating to love and/or sex (they’re not mutually exclusive).

So, here are a few questions and depending on your comfort level, answer as many or as few as you want:

• If you had to remember every person you’ve had sex with, how accurate would you be?
• If you could only have sex in one position for the rest of your life, which position would it be?
• If you had to name one part of the human body – besides the sexual organs – that you consistently find sexy, what part would it be?
• If you had to name one thing that should turn you on in bed but never does what would it be?
• If you could “unknow” any sexual fact, what would it be?

That ought to be enough options – so even if you are kind of squidgy, there’s something you can answer without blushing. Happy Tuesday!

Fear

“But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to lose
I have nothing to give…”
-Sarah McLachlan

The lines above have been going through my head. Realizing I have spent a lot of years looking for my flaws instead of embracing the positive. And I’m not sure why.

My brain isn’t working today – I can’t seem to string words together to make coherent thought, so I thought I’d cheat and just plug in a song. And a video.

Spring Love

“I took you in and wiped all your tears away
I gave you loving, more than any other gave…”
-Stevie B

Another Sunday, and I start this day hoping that it doesn’t get nearly as hot outside as it did yesterday. By the end of the day yesterday, I was grateful to see the dark clouds rolling in. Though I had already gone out for cardio in the morning, the stress of my house sent me out the door again to log another few miles. I tossed on a pair of workout shorts and a white tank top for my walk, and managed to make it back into the house before the rain started falling and I became the sole contestant in the neighborhood wet t-shirt contest. The big rain never materialized – just random showers/sprinkles, which is too bad – I would have loved the temps to drop and the grass to start looking like grass again and not the pile of ugly it is now.

I have not yet made myself a guitar hero this week, but I’ve been spending some time with “Guitar for Dummies”, and it’s making sense to me. I learned a few chords (okay, I played a few chords – can’t remember them now) and when I went to tune the guitar yesterday I realize that one of the tuning keys was broken (like a screw that is stripped), so I’ll be taking my guitar in tomorrow to have some gurus check it out. To be expected – it’s a second hand guitar – there was no sense in my husband buying me a pricey rock star guitar until we knew if I liked it and wanted to keep going. So, I’ll get it fixed and should be ready to go by the time my first lesson rolls around.

Yes, LESSONS! I’m actually pretty excited - and am excited that I’m excited, if that makes sense. Class will only be one day a week, but in addition to learning by reading, I learn by doing – so I think it’s going to help everything click together. It’s been one of the highlights of my week.

My stepson is here this weekend and there’s a layer of tension in the house. After he faked sick to shorten a shopping trip (to buy him clothes, no less) and then miraculously recovered once we walked back in the door of the house, I was pretty much done. Today, I have to make up all the errands I didn’t manage to get done yesterday as we bolted from the store when he started making that face like he was going to toss his cookies on the t-shirt display. I had already made plans to go skating with a girlfriend and I promised her I would divert attention from her if she fell down. I’m looking forward to the cool of the rink given that it’s hotter than hell outside, so if I fall down, I may let the ice cool my butt down a bit before I stand back up. I hope that by the time I get home tonight there is some semblance of calm. We’ll see.

Big week ahead of me with lots of good things on my calendar – lots of things to keep me busy and I’m glad that we are entering the final week of summer before the kids go back to school. Talk about semblance of calm.

Happy Sunday. What do you all have going on today?

Suffering

“What do you know about me
What could you possibly see
Without walking in my shoes
You’ll never taste enough of my blues…”
-Satchel

This is one of the many songs in my head this morning. Yesterday, I was trying to think of what song I would name as my Saturday Song today. I was giving my three year old a bath and I remembered this song. Then, I promptly forgot it. I spent a little bit of time last night trying to remember what the hell I was thinking. With the help of some Absolut (okay, the vodka didn’t really help at all) I remembered.

Edited to Add: YouTube is a bitch today. This is the third version of this video I’ve attached. This song was NOT in Good Will Hunting, but I love the movie, so whatever on the clip. Click here for one without the movie clip.

Turpentine

“I watch you grow away from me in photographs
And memories like spies
And salt betrays my eyes again
I started losing sleep and gaining weight
And wishing I was ten again
So I could be your friend again…”
-Brandi Carlile

Lately I have been playing a game of Scrabble on Facebook with a girl who was one of my closest friends in elementary school and in junior high when my family still lived in California. I never thought we would be friends again. The fact that even after all these years of disconnect we found our friendship again – well, I’m grateful for it.

In fifth grade, we were in a gifted class together (I know, I was a nerd), and our project was to write and perform a play. She played an exchange student and I played the teacher named Ms. Welch (like the grape juice). In seventh grade, we spent countless hours watching Dance Party USA and being obsessed with certain actors and certain music groups (*cough* Including a group that just made a comeback this past summer… oh I’m SO EMBARASSED!). 

When I moved, she used to send me the coolest mix tapes – she’d tape record fun little messages for me like she was a DJ. She’d tell me what was going on in her world and then announce the next song and tell me about it, and usually it would be something way cooler than anything on the radio in my neck of the woods, since as far as I can tell we’re still about two years behind the rest of the country. We stayed friends throughout high school, exchanging letters and I would visit her when I would see my dad in the summer and we would hang out and shoot the breeze and just be young and stupid.

The last time I saw her was the summer after I graduated. She had invited me to a party with several of her friends. I didn’t know anybody but was having a great time until she got high and drunk, and left me by myself while she went off and partied more. I talked to her friends, ending up sitting in the living room chatting to some guy while listening to the Eagles (I remember hearing “Heartache Tonight” several times). He was interesting, funny and sober. We talked and laughed for quite some time and then found a quiet room and… things happened.

The next thing I knew, she was pounding on the door. I came out and she was so furious – didn’t I know that she liked him (no), and you’ll need to find a new ride home. In my head I can still hear her voice snarling at me, “Well, did you fuck him?”

Within the past few years, she and I have found each other again and after over ten years of silence it’s kind of nice to have her in my life. Have we ever talked about that night? Nah. We probably never will. I have no idea where that guy ended up, and I won’t ask if she does (I can say he’s not one of her friends on Facebook, so there’s that).

Most of my friends have been in my life for greater than ten years, and I cherish those friendships because it is special to me to hang on to the people who have grown up with me. It’s hard for me to let go of people who have been a part of my life. It’s hard for me to move on. And it’s really hard for me to forget about someone. When a severed connection can be fused back together, it makes me pretty happy.