Comments on: Talking In Your Sleep

By: Contessa Confessa

Contessa Confessa — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 03:06:42 +0000

If a friend asks me to keep something confidential, I’ll take it to the grave. PROMISE. I tell NO ONE (and that means absolutely NO ONE).

I keep secrets. lots…. and why? because, to date, no one in my life has ever been able to keep a freaking secret SECRET. They blab… and somehow it ALWAYS gets back to me (and obviously I know that they did NOT keep my secret).

So, I no longer share my secrets– with anyone. Except, of course, with my blog… *wink*

By: Lyrically Me

Lyrically Me — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:07:05 +0000

If it had been something like: “Um, he’s sick. My best friend’s sister’s boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who’s going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it’s pretty serious.” , well, I totally would have told him…

By: KyLydia

KyLydia — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:03:52 +0000

It’s tough, because there are situations where I would tell and where I wouldn’t. It depends on what the information is, I suppose. As you pointed out, something as big as a pregnancy that’s on the DL for obvious reasons wouldn’t be shared until I got the go-ahead from the involved parties. If it’s a I-heard-from-my-mom-that-my-high-school-gym-teacher-is-getting-a-divorce kind of information, then it’s probably likely that I’ll tell him. I expect the same action from him (although he tells me more than I would tell him, I think).

Conversely, if it’s a super-close friend that I share my secrets with, I expect them to respect those secrets. If I wanted to tell that person’s significant other then I would. I don’t guess I can ever assume that someone won’t tell, though.

By: Lyrically Me

Lyrically Me — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:53:58 +0000

Great perspectives so far…

I don’t mind if I’m wrong. Honestly. Hearing other perspectives and reasons why others would or would not tell is what I was hoping to hear, and do appreciate.

And Danaofthebells, it’s funny – the day I found out I was pregnant for my youngest, I tried and tried and tried to reach my husband ALL DAY. I tried email. No response. His cell phone. No answer. His office phone. No answer. Meanwhile, a girlfriend of mine knew I was due to pee on a stick and SHE called. And because I am a shitty liar, she knew right away I was pregnant. So, um, she knew before he did. But it wasn’t a secret. I just couldn’t find the man!!!

By: danaofthebells

danaofthebells — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:46:10 +0000

I normally tell my SO everything. This includes things that people tell me in confidence. He tells me things that people tell him in confidence. However, we both keep this information to ourselves. We don’t tell others, outside the both of us, everything about our lives. If I know that he’ll go shouting something from the rooftop, then I don’t tell him until I can find a way to make him less… enthusiastic. If he knows that telling me something trivial will send me off on the warpath against whomever… he keeps his mouth shut until the situation is passed or I realize that there’s nothing I can do about it. This is generally done rather nonchalantly. It’s not a big secret giving conference. It’s simply something that happened that day that we should share.

Keep in mind, however, that they’re not technically your secrets. They are other people’s. There is a difference between not letting your husband know that his best-friend’s wife is pregnant and that you are pregnant. You could always pull the simple: I don’t want to be a gossip… if he keeps harassing you.

By: Melanie

Melanie — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 16:20:05 +0000

I started to qualify this with “yes, I expect some people to tell their spouse, but only my close friends and my brother” but I realized that’s not true. I think I expect anyone who’s part of a long-term couple – married or not – to share with their SO. But not in a gossipy way, just as a “here’s what happened today” kind of way, or if my name comes up in conversation. And it doesn’t bother me, really.

I probably wouldn’t, but I say that having not been part of a couple in a REALLY long time. But I might, unless the person specifically asked me not to.

But I do think it’s wrong that your husband has characterized this as “secret-keeping.” I mean, if the other person has asked you not to tell, it’s really just honoring their request. And even if they haven’t asked you not to tell, it’s just you acting in the way that you think is most responsible and appropriate. It’s not as if you didn’t tell him in order to have more information than he has, or to use it against him, or whyever the hell he thinks you did it.

He needs to relax and remember that the two of you, although married, are still TWO people. Not one.