“Dear God
Don’t know if you notice but
Your name is on a lot of quotes in this book,
Us crazy humans wrote it you should take a look
And all the people that you made in your image
Still believing that junk is true
Well I know it ain’t and so do you…”
-Sarah McLachlan

I’ve mentioned here before that I’m not a super-dee-duper religious person. While I don’t live in the Bible Belt exactly, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that I live in the land overrun by churches and farms and that the majority of the people I encounter in my day-to-day life are quite involved with their churches and their religions and their beliefs.

Do not mistake me: This is more than okay (Listen to me, “this is more than okay” – as if anyone was asking my permission!).

Let me try that again – for people who have found religion and have found it comforting and have found that it’s added to their lives – well, I applaud that. I think we should all take happiness wherever we can get it, grab it and hang on to it. If having a church family brings joy to someone, by all means, pursue that.

Personally, it has never been like that for me.

 I’ve always felt that my way was okay too. I’m certainly no heathen, I wouldn’t think. I’m not skanking around, I’m not devil-worshipping, I’m not telling my children to be bad people, I’m not being a bad person. I just don’t find church and religion comforting (except when I’m on a plane, in which case you can’t get much holier than me, which makes me a big fucking hypocrite and I accept that). I feel that I live my life in a way that shows people I’m kind, I’m caring, and I’m pretty genuine.

Part of what has turned me off about church and religion has been the amount of hypocrisy spewing from it all. Some of the nastiest people I have met have happened to be regular church-attendees. My husband’s ex-wife spouts religious sayings at the drop of a hat (and even has a crucifix prominently tattooed to her person), but she can be one of the most conniving, dishonest people who ever walked. When a person’s actions and words are so far apart, it’s a tough line of bullshit to swallow. There’s a saying that going to church doesn’t make one a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car – to which I say… “AMEN!”

My husband is probably even more skeptical of religion than I am. While I feel that I am a spiritual, though not religious, person, he is neither spiritual nor religious. And that’s fine. He grew up attending church of his own choosing, and decided in his adult life that it wasn’t for him. That’s cool.

As a result of the way we both feel, we do not attend church now, nor are we raising our kids to follow any particular religion. We have both discussed and decided that when our daughters are older, we would explore whatever spiritual avenues with them that they desired. Should they wish to visit a Buddhist temple, or a mosque, or [insert place of worship here], we would be on board, and would do our best to facilitate the exploration of faith free of judgement.

As it is, my oldest kiddo is probably in the minority among her friends, many of whom regularly attend church. As we found out this week, for the second time in as many months, a friend told my kid that if she did not pray, she would go to hell.

I’m fucking pissed.

To avoid the mommy-blog trap here, I don’t talk about my kids a whole ton – but she’s just a kid. She’ll be six years old next week, and her friends are all five and six-year-olds. The thought of these kids banging their figurative bibles on my kid’s head really frustrates me. My mother’s response has been, “If you aren’t teaching her religion though, what do you expect?”

I don’t know.

I guess I expect other parents to do as we have done – to let their children know that we are not made by cookie cutters here on this planet. We have the freedom of religion which means that we can believe whatever we want, worship however we want, and what’s right for me may not be right for you. My daughter asks us why they say these things, and we tell her that her friends are entitled to feel that way. It strikes me as interesting that these kids have focused on the fact that not praying equates to a one-way ticket to the eternal fires – rather than on say… being a kind and good hearted person.

I wish I knew what to say to my daughter to take the sting away. I wish I knew what to say to these parents because in my opinion, something needs to be said. It’s a touchy subject, and I know it. For now, I just focus on doing the best I can for my kids to make it right.