“And did you ever see me?
Me absolutely…”
-Counting Crows

In my attempts to vanish the crabby-ass mood I was in today, I IM’d a friend and said, “Hey Goober, have a good weekend!” His response was, “You too, booger face!” And then I laughed. I laughed so hard I about peed my pants. There is a whole long history of friendship here, and some days are whackier than others in our friendship because we’re not always on the same wavelength (or even the same planet, I’m thinking). This week has been a good one though, because I’ve been able to trap him in the vortex of my funky “c’mon get happy” world – and he’s been taken hostage on my happy train (or, as he calls it “the crazy train”).

Well, today, I couldn’t seem to get out of my funk. And I was lifted by the fact that I’m essentially a seventh-grader trapped in the body of a mother (a hot mom, at that, but… a mom nonetheless). I giggled needlessly at a blog comment (You know who you are), and from there I was able to kind of scrape myself off the floor and realize that my mood, while not altogether unwarranted, was not serving me in any positive way. The fact that I realized it was progress – because I can mope like nobody’s business, I’m a fantastic moper if I wanna.

But, in talking with my friend I was again reminded me that so few people truly know me. There are very few people that I will lay it all out on the table for. Very few people know all about me – the good, bad, and the ugly. My friend, though we don’t always mesh, has known me half my life, and though there are rifts between the times we have connected and been in touch, we’ve always been pretty cool. Tuesday, he called me “the coolest shithead he knows” and my god, how funny is that?

I have an older brother – my relationship with my brother never felt to me what a “normal” sibling relationship would be like. I am envious of people with those tight sibling relationships – because I don’t have that – I’m only starting to get that with my sister who is ten years younger than me. Despite our earlier “romantic” entanglements when we were teenagers, my friend is becoming like a brother to me. Sometimes you want to knock him upside the head for his crazy, and sometimes you want to give him a hug and a pair of socks for Christmas.

With so few people I feel I can be real with, it is nice to know that I have a handful of people who can and do accept me the way I am, no exceptions, no judgement. I feel sometimes that I am not the person most people think that I am – and when they can’t SEE me, I wonder if it’s because I hide who I am that well, or if they are not looking hard enough. But, there’s a handful of people, and I know, I know they are looking deep.