“If you want to destroy my sweater
Hold this thread as I walk away
Watch me unravel, I’ll soon be naked
Lying on the floor – I come undone…”
- Weezer

 Ever since I was a kid, I have been so wrapped into music that I tend to associate major moments in my life with songs, lyrics – with music in general. I’ve always done it. I was raised in music and that’s how my brain works. I tend to get moody and certain lyrics run through my head and certain phrases and songs bring me comfort – but the theory holds when I am feeling happy and joyful.

Lately, I’ve been feeling worn out, run down, burnt out, stressed out – basically fried. I am a mom who works from home, which means when I’m not doing stuff with my kids, I’m doing stuff for work. This basically means my candle has been burning at both ends for oh… a few years now. Surface wise, I’m sure I look like I’ve got a really good thing going – my kids are great, I’m lucky to be getting a paycheck while not getting raked over the coals paying daycare through the nose, and my husband adores me.

 Buuuuuut.

 I get stressed. I get frazzled. I get a bug up my ass about one thing or another and rather than talk it out, solve the problem, FIX IT, I internalize the issue until I’ve made myself so damn crazy I can’t sleep at night. Would be easier to just have a pow-wow and talk through things… but I don’t. I’m a conflict avoider through and through. Is it healthy? Nah, probably not. On the flip side, I have a friend who has no filter on her emotions and her thoughts – as soon as she thinks it, she’s blurting it out when things are heated. Not entirely sure her way is working out for her 100% either.

So, here I am. Little by little, maybe I’ll learn how to not utilize my filter so much. All this holding my tongue is making me crazy.